There are over 526 million black women in the world, all with different appearances, and your racist ass is going to say not liking black women is a ‘preference’, when the only damn thing they all got in common physically is their blackness? Sure, honey. 

You know how you just start to feel yourself hollowing out again? And what would normally be silly things just make you cry? The smallest arguments and tasks take so much energy out of you and you just want to curl up and sleep forever. And you can’t seem to listen to happy music without thinking of something sad. And your memories come at you out of nowhere and the present feels so far away and like you’re holding your breath waiting for that one time you’re most nostalgic for to happen again. And you can feel yourself put on a smile because, to your body, it seems so out of place. But you can’t let anyone know just how bad you’re feeling because for some reason your mind tells you that it’s something to be ashamed of or you’re around people who look down on you for it. And there’s so much mounting pressure just building and you know that sometime soon, maybe even tonight, will be the first time in a long time that you start crying yourself to sleep again. And your mind will race when you’re trying to fall asleep with all of your past or current or potential fuck ups and mishaps and all of the things you’ve said that you shouldn’t have or the things that you should have said but didn’t. And it’ll all mount into a crescendo where in a week or two weeks or a month or six from now, it’ll all spill out and then for a few days or a week, you’ll feel okay again. And then all of a sudden it hits you like a brick out of nowhere and the cycle starts again.
And that’s why it feels like the only logical thing to do is stop the cycle from ever being able to happen to you again. But you can’t do that either.